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Painting Me
July 29th, 2001 @ 1:09 p.m.

It's been ages since I did a self-portrait.

I can't draw people.

But I've never really had trouble drawing myself.

I guess drawing is like writing, you should draw what you know about. And I can't imagine ever knowing anybody better then myself.

I remember once upon a time (Stephen, you probably know more about this than me.) reading about the amazing artist Frieda Kalo. Someone had been asking her why her subject was so often herself. She responded basically by saying that why would she try to paint something that she knows nothing about. That she knows all of her own secrets, and truths. That to be a great painter she must paint what she knows best.

So anyway, I bought my huge canvas. I think it measures like 30 * 40 inches. And I've been struggling for days and days as to what to put on it.

Really I've been afraid to damage it's perfect surface. To deface it with my smears of color. I'd sit in front of it for long moments debating on whether to just start painting from my brain, or flipping through magazines for a worthy subject, but nothing seemed worth damaging it's pristine surface with.

Then, I was taking a book out of my bag and some pictures fell out.

And there it was, a snap shot that Roy had taken of me all those years ago . . . and I knew it was time to do another self portrait.

It's going well, but it is a struggle.

After 2 hours of struggling and making lines and erasing lines I got my brow, nose eyes and the visible ear done. I had to put it away because the lips and chin were just becoming way to frustrating. It's nearly a profile shot really. But I'm turned just a bit.

It's that bit, that is giving me hell.

I mean profiles are super easy, 3/4's profile is ok, straight on can be good, but that symmetry thing can be a stinker, but when you take a profile, that is turned ever so slightly capturing that on paper or pencil is just oh so difficult for those of us who really don't see reality anyway.

I'm struggling but I love it.

And now that canvas has big old smears of blue. So I don't have to worry about damaging it anymore.

It was something before, and now it is becoming something quiet different.

I'll let you know how it all turns out.

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