Tears wondered their way down my cheeks as I drove home, being ripped from my composure as I glimpsed the flags at half staff along my way.

Tears more for the world that could spawn such actions then for the loss of life.

Although my tears were for them also.

***

Today we were not allowed to stay in the building. Everyone was to leave as soon as our bus duty was over.

The highways were eerily empty. Long since having the days rush hour 4 hours too early.

Downtown was completely closed by 1 and most of the parents of my children had picked up their kids by 12:30 wanting to be together on this horrendous day.

There were only 6 mutchkins who stayed with me until the end of the day, working uncharacteristically quietly. They wanting to know why everyone was leaving early, and

I not knowing exactly what to say.

I explained as best as I could . . .

But their whys where still there . . .

Why did that happen? Why did they do that? Who did it?

I wanted to talk about the injustices in the world that drive a people or groups to such violent retaliation.

I wanted to talk about the misunderstandings that lead to such horrible outcomes.

I wanted to talk about the hate that breeds such contempt.

I wanted to talk about the loss of life.

I wanted to talk about my nearly uncontrollable urge to bow to my knees and pray.

But I didn't.

I pulled out some center activities. And let them have free choice for the rest of the day.

But in answer to their questions, all I could muster, all I could stand to say through the lump in my throat was

" I don't know."