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jealousy
Monday, May. 12, 2003 @ 7:59 p.m.

Jealousy is a UGLY fucker.

He gets in my face and screams his obsenities. Drowning out the normally calm and collected demeaner of my typical inner dialogue.

He makes my heart pound and my eyes water. He consumes my thoughts and wrecks my moment, hour, evening.

Sam is working out with M at the gym. Thats well and fine and good, and is the thing that most often makes HIM, jealousy, start his screaming fit in my head.

It's silly and irational, and I KNOW a healthy relationship has to allow the individuals to maintain their connections with their friends, but damnit I get so envious of that time they spend together. It's even more frustrating cause I HATE weight training ESPECIALLY when I'm surrounded by others being pushed to do more and more cant FUCKING STAND THAT. I just want to go, do my routine, increase incrementally at my OWN fucking pace, thankyouverymuch, and not be pushed and verbally belittled for not pushing my self to my physical limit. Anyway, bassem hates step arobics, so there you go, were not really compatable as workout partners I guess. So there you go, I'm jealous of time spent not with me, when in fact it is a completely reasonable and wonderful thing for him to be doing. But that dosn't stop jealosy or his screaming at me. and it drives me fucking nuts.

***

Mia's eyes are not doing well. VERY crusty. I started tums therapy for her today. We will just have to see how that works.

Louie, my little bossy clown, is quiet the character. He's fiesty and high spirited. He LOVES to get scratches on his head, and will sit for 10 minutes or so just cuddling and turning his head this way and that so I can scratch all his hard to get to places.

I have jury duty tomorrow. I didn't prepare for a sub before I left today. WHich means I'll have to get up early instead of sleeping in till 8. Oh well.

Hugs.

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