My forehead has felt like it's going to seperate from the rest of my head in a violent, but controlled, explosion for most of the evening. James cuddled with me on his couch, made me a sandwhich and opened a can of exquisite dolmas, then placed a hot water bottle upon my acheing brow as we watched a Ellen standup show. Pure sweetness. . .
When I was getting ready to leave, still curled up, my head buried in his side, he joked in a mocking sort of way, "I'll just have to call that other boy that's falling for me." I froze, instantly purturbed. I know there are others. That's no secret at all, but I'll not abide my feelings being mocked. I told him not to do that. That he knows I'm falling for him. He pretended like he didn't understand my point. I don't get it, I appreciate his honesty, if I'm to function in this type of relationship we would have to abide by a strict rule of honesty and informative . . . well what I mean is I'd want to know, but just don't tease me about it. You know? My head was buried in his side again as we cuddled, my insides were lurching as I tried to gain the bravery to tell him what I was feeling, finally I came out with it, "James, you know I'm falling for you and I appreciate your honesty, but please don't tease me like that. I can't take it." And I can't. I'm falling for this man, and his casual, mocking air about getting in line behind the others that have fallen for him cut to the quick, being dismissed as though my feelings for him are a dime a dozen and he can snap his fingers anytime he feels like and my replacement will come to bump me out of line.

I admire that i can be so honest with him. I find myself not holding back, not editing what I say. In fact, he reads here.

Jason, thanks for your kind reply in the guestbook. I'm glad I don't qualify as a prick:) Hope all is going well with you.

Hugs.