Is it bad, that lately I wish I had a bottle of prescription painkillers? I just want to be numb and floaty for a bit and not care. This feeling thing is going to take some getting used to.

Last nights sleep was fitful I must have woke a gazillion times, had the chills, but no fever. Hot sweaty, then chilled, Hot sweaty . . . etc. I woke up at one point sitting bolt upright in bed screaming so hard that after I had calmed down, my throat was actually irritated and soar from the brutal screams. Merlin was agitated and bouncing around the bed trying to protect me from whatever was scaring the holy shit out of me. One of my paintings, a still life had morphed into some kind of entity. Black and shadowy, formless, and so very, very terrifying. I was convinced my parents were in the house, or maybe it was that I was in the house that I grew up in. I don�t know. Crazy. I was convinced it was the middle of the night. It was actually only 10 minutes after I turned the lights off.

Love to you.