So, This is my first day home during my summer vacation. I'm going (what the fuck I typed 'growing' there the first time around) to try to hold galivanting to a bare minimum till the Madonna trip to Phoenix on the weekend of the 10th. I did manage to paint today. It's either the first steps in a great direction or absolute crap. I'm undecided as yet.

Speaking of Madonna, I've not seen Roy in like a month. The end of school swallowed me whole. So I find myself loving our conversations, having a blast together, but I have NO interest in him romantically or sexually, hell I don't have interest in ANYWONE sexually right now and am considering talking to my dr. about it. Cause It's like all the suddent I'm asexual, ok, well it's built up over the last few months. I did say I was goin to be celibate, and my mind has a nifty habbit of bringing about what I tell it to do, like the void of dreams I experienced from oh, the 2nd through grade through my sophomore year of Highschool, all cause I willed myself not to recall my dreams anylonger cause of such horrific nuclear war dreams I had as a child. ANYWAY. Yeah, so I find myself thinking that I should leave the vagaries aside and let Roy know in no uncertain terms that I love spending time together as friends, but I want no part of a romantic relationship. Which suchs. But well, it's the truth. Plus I'm having horrible guilt about letting a man I have no romantic interests in fly me to Phoenix to the weekend and take me to see the reformed material girl in person. I don't even really care about the concert, honestly, sure it would be cool to tag onto my very limited list of 'seen' in concert personailities, but well, honestly I just want to paint. I'm already hyperventilating cause I have to take a class for 2 weeks, and i probably won't paint, and some dumb-ass part of me agreed to house sit for 2 weeks and I won't be able to paint either, and that's a MONTH out of my summer, this is only for painting time. UHGGGGGG!!!

Ok, I've got to go take Roy some food, were hanging a show for this Friday.

HUGS.

bye

zuzu, phone it in.