I'm furiously painting. Everything is going right as rain in the studio. My panels are coming out with flashes of opal fire buried deep within the surface of jewel-toned splendor.

Perfect, to my reckoning.

Can we say UPHEAVEL in the men department? It's crazy I used to hold everything relationship/sexual wise up to the ideal of a monogamous relationship. It seems like sometime in the recent past I've become comfortable with, to use the vernacular, fuck-buds. This bud, Sean, EASILY my favorite fuckbud, as in the one that could make my eyes roll back into my head with splendor, fuck bud, had to go and get himself a boyfriend. I mean, I'm really very sad about this, in a very lustful sort of way. I mean good God he was an enthusiastic lover. I could say I wish him well, but that's pretty much a bold faced lie. I mean SERIOUSLY wow, he brought some serious pleasure. Ok, ok, ok, I'll stop.

Fucker.

Ben. I have a brand new neighbor. Ben, from Ohio by way of Los Angelas. I feel like a giddy teeny bopper when I see him walk past the studio window. I'm so not above leaving the door open "for ventilation" hoping he's going to be nosey and "drop bye" Like seriously, I feel like biting my knuckles every time I see him. Mal, 6'3" at least. I NEVER use the front door you better bet your bottom dollar it's the only door I use now. I find every excuse under the sun to be in the front courtyard. I'm making a right spectacle of myself, I'm sure.

Steve. Steve, I wrote about him a couple of years back in regards to meeting him at a brokeback mountain screening. He's the VERY charming man who told me, for whatever reason, that if I'd moved to town 6 months earlier it was quiet possible he would be with me rather then his current partner . . . his partner he recently broke up with. We went to lunch today. Short simple, sweet, easy, fun, HANDSOME, nice conversation. Lunch-- I'm very much looking forward to more lunches, and rides on his motorcycle. There is something very, very charming about a man who tracks you down even two years later after basically admitting that your smitten worthy when he finally becomes available and not before.

Still can't get over Sean. I mean. Wow. Seriously. He could so ring my bell, over, and over, and over. And to think of all those times I turned him down. What a fool I was. LOL.