Madrigle

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random notes and ramblings.
2000-09-27 @ 23:16:16

Wow.

Sometimes I am just blown away by the written word.

Sometimes I realize just how good I have really had it.

Well, here it goes. Writing in a journal used to be old hat to me. (Oh God, here goes the cliches already) I guess I'm just out of practice.

I took myself off of Paxil for awhile. 2 months, or there abouts, to be exact. Things were great. I thought I had beaten my depression, but last week I felt my anxiety returning with a vengeance. I new the endless tears were not going to be far behind, so I went and refilled the prescription. This is my third day back on my drug. I don't really feel any better. I still feel that ball of anxiety in the pit of my chest. My blood pressure is back up. Even though 'my' high blood pressure, is like most peoples 'normal' blood pressure. (I have low blood pressure) Any ways, I guess I few more days and I should be feeling O.K.

When I went on the meds. I promised my doctor I would go see a shrink, (sorry jean but is is a hell of a lot easier to spell) I don't have a stigma about going to see one, it is just that I can't figure out what part of my week it would fit into. My anxiety usually revolves around time. hehehehe..... cliche� time. What a catch 22.

New subject.

So there is this boy in my life now.

He is originally from Whales. But he doesn't talk about his past much or his family. All of which leads me, in my heart or hearts, to be doubtful of his claims. He has made it very clear that I would be separate from his family. I want to believe him, but I don't know, something deep down in me says that he is embellishing. He claims to be the son of an English lord. Lord Jenkins of Cardiff to be exact. Meanwhile his parents split there time between Maryland and Cardiff while he was growing up. I don't know there are many many details that I don't feel like hashing out right now.

So those are the parts about Bill that concern me...

These are the parts that I love.

He chased me. I was the one who was uninterested..... He told me he would woo me, and he has.

It is odd.... Have you ever felt your soul? That is, been so intensely aware of it's existence that you can feel it's presence around you, through you, and in every particle of your existence? I know, weird. But, when I am with bill or talking to him, or even just thinking about him I can feel the presence of my soul reaching out to him. In my minds eye I can almost see it. My aura ebbing out to caress my sweet love. Deep down I know that has to mean something.

I'm convinced of it.

Hmmm.... Labour day weekend was the first time that I set eyes upon him. He was a bit taller then me, handsome. He has stormy blue eyes. It is funny that is how I had imagined him. With very dark blue eyes. It was a bit of premonition that panned out I guess. It was a magical weekend. He told me that he loved me first. I know, so fast, but hey when chemistry is there, it's there. I can't wait to rush back into his arms.

well...... these random notes and ramblings have been brought to you by one happy fool, who loves you very much!

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