la la laaaa la la de de de de Deeeiiii de dede de hmmmm hmmmmmm mmmmm m

Ok. So, I have to tell you, that as a result of our conversation. I ended this relationship with a clearness and clarity of thought that I had not experienced before. I'm not saying that I was not emotional. But I listened to him (alot of which was vague and in need of much clarification. [you know, I had to give him lots of councilor prompts. So, when you say this, are you meaning this, or this.] hehehe...) And then I said my piece. OHHHHhhhhh did I say my peice. What is that saying about a lover scorned? Or how about "love is like the lions tooth". hehehe... (ironically that was the name of a book of poetry that was taken away from me by a teacher in grade school, because she thought it had a 'lude'context. Whatever.)

I stuck to my guns. I layed down my expectations. I was clear and concise, finally he admitted that he had been feeling this way for awhile, but did not want to 'hurt my feelings' Whatever. (have I said that enough? NO.) Whatever!

I confronted him about his behavior in the chat room. He said there was no coralation. I pointed out the corilation, for him. hehe. Was it my place to lecture on respect. I'm not sure, but I did anyways, and I feel damn good for having done it.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, I feel like because of our conversation this was my healthiest break up ever. The tears are still here. I'm sure they will be for awhile, but at the same time I feel oddly good about the whole thing. (Maybe that is my subconcious talking to my concious again.) Who knows? Relief? R-O-L-A-I-D-S (couldn't resist)

Maybe this is that unrecognizable stress that has been plaugeing me the last month in a half. I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Hmmm... If I actually sleep through the whole night I guess I will know.

He wanted to know where we went from here? I asked him, "What was your expectation of me when you wrote this letter?"

He replied, "I don't know."

I paused, and thought to myself 'I'm tired of pulling answers from this guy, from men period.'

What I said was, "Well, I WANT to tell you that we can be friends, but -I don't know- if I know you. -I don't know- if you are the person I thought you were.

Ok, so I didn't leave it at that. I did say that he would hear from me. That I was not going to drop him.

What I added in my mind, was; but just because I contact you, does not make you my friend. I've learned that.

I know MANY people. I have fun with MANY people. MANY people consider me their friend. Not including family, I have very FEW friends. By choice. They have earned that position. I give to them. They give to me. RECIPROCITY

But, and this is a very big BUT. Beyond that they are honest. They don't play that game where you say one thing and mean another. but enough, I could go on.

one small tangent:

you know what i love about my BEST friends? The fact that we can go a month 6 months, a year. Not talk. Think of each other VERY often. And then "ring ring"

"Hello?" and never even miss a beat!

LOVE THAT