mal, you said something the other day.

Something that has really been resonating within me.

A reoccurring thought that vibrates in my brain . . . mantra like almost.

You were talking about 'establishing a tribe'

Meaning a circle of friends.

People you can rely on.

People whose shoulder you can rest your head on.

People you can cry with.

People you can laugh with.

Hell, people you can go to dinner with!

Or at least that is how I interpreted it.

So, I have come to realize that I kind of abandoned my tribe. Sure my closest members had already moved away... Jean to Pennsylvania, Leck to Tennessee, Christi and Amanda to who knows where.... but I am not worried... we will track each other down. Joey in his own new world in Salt Lake, and Rose (future snl player) still in Las Cruces. Then there is you Mal, hehehe... my 24 hour friend who has turned into ohhhhhh so much more. Like Jean, and Christi I KNEW I had to have you as a friend. It was just not even a question of not being friends. I guess we won each other over rather quickly. *smile* And jet... and JET. What a special guy. I have enjoyed so many wonderful conversations with him. Such a warm, and gentle soul... Such a gentleman.

But back to the tribe. So I'm here. Alone. A VERY small tribe has formed. Maribel, Monica, and Yohina are great. They share such a special bond, and have been so kind to let me in . . .

I guess what I miss most is the whole college culture . . . living together . . . eating together. Don't get me wrong, I can be quiet the loner, but I miss having a tribe of friends to just hang with . . . Just pop buy, and end up spending the day, afternoon, or whole night together...

LOL... I miss getting drunk! I miss walking through the student union, and seeing 20 people that I know! I miss those nameless faces on campus, those hopeless crushes...

Mr. Fucking Beautiful

Neanderthal Man

Bus Boy

Guys I never knew, but always seemed to bump into. Faces that made me smile.

I was in a restaurant the other day with friends... I realized I was looking around to see who I knew... LOL A hold out from New Mexico I guess. I never see anyone here. I can be as anonymous as I care to be. My friend saw me looking around, and was like what are you doing... hehehe I had not even realized I was doing it... I guess just force of habit. It also brought to the surface a feeling of being alone. A realization of just how few people I know here.

I told jet I was going to take an art class, that I needed a release. He said that it would be a good way to meet people too. He hit the nail on the head. Maybe I can get a tribe going.

Hmmm... I seem to have lost my direction..... I'm not sure where to take this entry..... Sometimes I think it is important to write for myself though... maybe I don't need to finish the tale today... maybe this is just the start. Maybe my brain has barely begun to start processing this...

Maybe I'm not ready to come to a conclusion yet

Maybe there is not a conclusion, only a realization of where I am and what options I have.....