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I aint yor BITCH!
Friday, May 25th, 2001 @ 6:53 pm

I'm writing in red in a furious scrawl.

If it wouldn't throw my page into a tetrad color scheme I would change the font to red too for this entry.

So.

::sigh::

Today was court day.

I was actually really calm and collected. Not even scared really.

Of course, that probably had something to do with the fact that I over heard the bailiff telling another guy that you are fine as long as you have already completed the course, defensive driving course that is.

So, umm, yeah.

If you've been reading you know that I finished the course last night.

I've never denied that I procrastinate.

So, umm yeah.

I had finished the course but I had absolutely no proof of this other then my word, which I guess isn't good enough in this day and age. :)

So, I enter the courtroom which was already packed by 1:20. My summons said that I had to appear by 1:30. The clerks didn't even come out until 1:50. I guess to let any stragglers get there, of which there were many.

So, the court clerk, Candy, calls up the people who have their court copies of their defensive driving certificate, then they are free to go.

Then she calls up the people who have their receipt only, Then they are free to go.

Then she asks, "Is their anyone who took the course today, or yesterday?"

I look around quickly.

No one.

I raise my hand and walk forward.

Candy is all, "What proof do you have that you have completed the course?"

I was like, "None. I took it on the Internet."

"Oh, well you have to give me proof by 7:00 this evening or I will mark you as a no show, and a warrant for your arrest will be issued this evening."

YIKES!

So, I zoom back to work, at the posted speed limit of course, and try logging back onto the defensive driving site to print the stupid screen that says, "Congratulations, you have completed the course. Void in a court of law.

Evidently it's not, and is in fact the damn printout that I needed to take to the damn court or law.

So, I go to log on, and am denied access.

SHIT!

So, I call the 800 number and they give me the number of someone who can fax a copy of my certificate to the court.

SHIT!

It's long distance, and I don't remember my calling card number.

SHIT!

So, I run to Maribel, ok I walk but still, and ask her if she has a calling card with her.

Nope.

She giggles cause I tell her what is up.

So, I run to Terri, but her cell is dead.

SHIT!

So, I run to Barbra who is in stitches bye the time I get done telling her my story and ask her if I can use her cell phone.

The lady at the other end assures me that she will fax the court my certificate immediately.

YEAH!!!

I call Candy back and tell her to keep her eye out for my fax, and to call me if she does not receive it.

So, after work me and Terri and Maribel and Basha go for pi�a coladas to celebrate the end of school, and I have them all laughing about my potential warrant this evening, and we were all discussing different tactics to avoid jail rape.

Basha, suggested a tattoo that reads, "I aint yo BITCH!" (My personal favorite suggestion)

Maribel said to just walk in the cell scratching my crotch a lot with a look of extreme discomfort on my face.

:) ::giggle::

So, anyways, after our little celebration I thought about going to the bookstore and then a coffee house to while away the evening, but something told me that with my luck with paper work, I better go home and check to make sure that the fax had arrived.

When I get home I was greeted with a ecstatic Mia, and a flashing answering machine.

The first message was from my dear sweet Jet.

The second message was from Candy.

"Hi, just wanted to let you know that I still have not received your fax."

SHIT!

3rd message.

Hi, I shill have not received your fax. If it is not here by the time I leave at 8, I'm filing the warrant for your arrest.

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

So, I call fucking txdrivers.com all in a tizzy and demand to know what happened to the fax that they assured me was going to go out?

They called the lady at home that supposedly sent it, but she was no help.

So, Iris the new lady at txdriver.com faxes another copy right away.

I call candy.

NOTHING! SHIT!

I call Iris back.

She calls Candy this time. Candy gives her an alternate fax number, evidently it would not go through either. So, Candy gets Iris to try to e-mail her the certificate. She does, but the attachment is blank.

UHG!

At this point Candy the clerk is just as pissed as I am.

Says she is going home, not filing my warrant and that I should call her back after 8 on Tuesday.

So, I guess I'm not going to be anyone's bitch . . .

Well, at least this weekend.

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