Something magical has happened in the last three days.

My outlook has changed.

I've had a bit of energy, for instance it's somewhere inbetween 8:34 and 8:35, probably closer to the later, and I've just gotten home from work.

Now that may not be something to be happy about, but considering I've been scared cause I haven't seemed to have had the energy to lift much more then my ass the distance it takes to get from my door to the tub or the bed for a good while now, uppon getting home from work closer to 4.

Suddenly I've had energy, don't get me wrong, I'm still way sleepy, I usually don't manage to hold my eyes open for more then a couple of pages, and turn the light out promptly after the book hit's me in the face from having dozed off. *Dozing off within five minutes of laying down is a symptom of sleep deprivation.* But the thing is that rather then being absolutely slothly, I've been more like busy beeish, and it's a good thing too, since my professor has asked for our portfolio a week earlier than expected, and I am behind about 12 hours in work, and AND and my elementary school won a national award last year, and Houston is hosting a conference this week, the conference where the award was handed out last year, and the conference where we will likely NOT be awarded an award this year, since I think the feds are figuring out that our program, the 1.2 million dollar program, for one tiny elementary school, really is NOT being implemented as it should be. Fucking beaurocrats at central office. Anyways, I'll be at the conference on Monday, and then on Wednesday and Thursday, bus loads of teachers and administrators come from ALL over the country to see our program. I mean they set up 3-5 folding chairs in every classroom for goodness sake.

We're under the looking glass, and it's an uncomfortable place to be. The squirming has started, and I've locked my door so the last minute panic stricken teacher's can't come running to me for help, well at least not without me unlocking the door.

Good lord, the administrators through a hissy fit, a well deserved hissy fit, when people started planning coloring sheets for the activities for these people to see while they are at our school.

This next part is mean, but honest. Some of these people, the ones I work with, must have I.Q. scores that are a standard deviation off the mark or something. *not that I place much faith on I.Q. scores* but I mean I've been teaching teacher's how to teach science, for the better part of 2 years, and I see no progress, I'm such a crutch. I've severed our bungy cords and they have all gone flying off in tangent directions. Screaming in terror the entire way. I teach with a lady, L, team teach science rather. Which amounts to her standing in the room and helping to maintain some control, while I teach and lead the activities. The feds have commented more then once that they though she was just a teachers aid. I mean we add new things, but I keep telling her, "Don't you want to teach this one on your own, remember we tought it together last year?"

A scared little animal look splashes across her face, and a flat "No." is uttered followed by a nervous little laugh.

Fucking rediculous.

They ask me, "How do you know this stuff?" In response to the line of questioning I lead the kids down.

That so fucking infuriates me, THAT question.

I mean I want to scream that, "I read!" "I educate myself!" "I prepare for the fucking lesson!"

Good lord.

*exhale*

And it really bothers me when they stare at me, the desperateness hidden there somewhere behind the black of their pupils. I can see it, their desperateness wanting me to prepare them for there lesson in a mere fraction of a second, because they didn't take the 30 minutes to do it themselves. They make me realize why teachers don't have the status of being a profession.

Ending.