So, um, I've been feeling imbalanced, moody, depressed, and lack much of a drive to get up in the morning.

I come home from work and lock myself in the capsule of my apartment, and most of the time I like it that way.

In the spring I get stir crazy. Last spring was a crazy time too, as the dearest of you will remember. (I think I should stop writing to you, and start writing for myself again. just a thought) Anyway, certain things bring temporary balance, and allow me to feel what I think is probably normal. Sam, Mia, Louie, gardening, cooking (most of the time) reading a good book, but when it's me left alone, without making myself busy I think I start going a bit crazy. (If I were a bird I'd be a feather plucker.) I find myself crying at happy things, crying at sad things, or sitting/laying/standing numbly. I find myself standing under the shower water for umpteen minutes, my vision going double till i'm looking nowhere at nothing, my brain frozen on a word or image or something someone said, till maybe the flick of a drop of water, a stray from the main steam, or the tip-tap of mia's claw on the linolium brings me out of the loop my brain was in.

I don't want to write about this anymore now.

***

Louie is sleeping upside down, like a little green bat. Hmm... even more reason for the vampiric name. (I had strong urges to rename him Zazu yesterday, from the pet shop boys song, and I guess also from the lion king. I'll save that nave for the day I have a African Grey.) Mia is curled up in her carrier in the bathroom. I felt hurt the other night, she started off sleeping in there instead of in with me. Probably cause I brought a new baby into the house. I wanted to cry, I probably did, let me tell you tears fall at the drop of a hat lately. I left my phone in the car on accident and didn't get to see Sam this evening as a result. Pissy I was about that I tell you, especially because he was going to go workout with his friend, the friend I get jealous of, the friend who will soon be single, the friend I worry has designs on my love, the friend, Sam seems to do anything and everything for [but I do that for my best friend too.] So perhaps that is not unreasonable. Anyway, yeah, so I was pissy at myself for leaving my phone where I didn't here his call, and pissy at him cause he was going to go work out with his friend instead of come sit in the hot tub with me. Anyway, imbalanced I tell you, imbalanced.

Love to you.