Madrigle

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Habibi's slipping away
Saturday, Jan. 08, 2005 @ 1:24 p.m.

Things have been . . . unsettled as of late.

Habibi confessed to me that he feels a great emptiness in his life. An emptiness I filled for awhile but that has now returned. That confession was really unsettling for a while, now I'm just kind of numbed by it all. He says a part of it is that he wants a family (something he dosn't feel he can have with me) and he also confessed that he misses having sex with women. (fuck) I don't know were in this weird limbo where we still act the same towards each other, lots of affection but no sex. The odd thing is he has oppened up about his feelings and we have honest conversations about them now. I want to support him while he tries to find himself and hopefully finds his way back to me but all this has alos served to alienate me from my emotions for him. I really want to move to Albuquerque. I'd really like him to come with me, and get a fresh start away from his family and a fresh start with me. But I seriously doubt he would consent to a move. Thing is I think I'm leaning towards making the move with or without him. A lot of things just keep pointing me in that direction. Art is going well. My scholarship to the Glassell was renewed. I need to start painting my emotions again. I'm just, mmm, scared to, really.

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