Madrigle

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desert discriptions
Wednesday, Jul. 20, 2005 @ 9:26 a.m.

Hmm, it's odd. I'm exactly where I want to be. Albuquerque. But so far it just hasn't seemed so . . . magical? I was so very desperate to leave Houston. Stuck in what was outwardly a elementary science teachers wetdream of a job and yet I just was not happy with where I was at. My relationship was what I was clinging too, the thing that was anchoring me most securely to the Bayou City and when that dissolved, when we bacame 'just friends', no really, it just seemed like I melted into a desperate blob of a person whos most desperate desire was simply to move back to my homeland, the land of enchantment; my land of bold, contrasting light; my place of desaturated black and white days; my home of dark, horizon to horizon clouds, sunseting golden mountains; my refuge from the darkness. Now . . . Now I'm here and I've been lost, and floating and silver linings are all around and I've started walking towards them in a careless not so inspired sort of way, and my retirement check is here and I can start nesting, and I've excepted an exciting teaching job, my publisher friends poised to set me up as a shocase classroom for their science curriculum, and I'm going to be able to live exactly where I want to, and I've got the money to set up my studio to paint the pieces that wield their swords of light againt my inner darkness, and yet it just all, as yet, seems so empty. My purpose right now should be painting my alter pieces and I feel dark and empty for not having started it yet. And I keep saying I've done studies and I guess they really do help me understand these new mediums but still, I can't help feeling that this pit inside of me is from not having jumped on this commandment to paint my 'ort cloud' series in it's grand scale. I'm so affected by my environment, and the days have been full of impossibly bright light, over exposed and bleached out. The desserts enchantment, for me, is held in the fall, and late winter when the light is gentler and bathes the mountains in ultramarine and clouds in violet, the sky sooooooo blue, blue, blue, and EVERYWHERE the russets of the desert.

I'm going apartment hunting with my dear Buffy, and I'll find that hardwood floored two bedroom space that will fit my purpose sooooooo perfectly. Hugs.

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