So, a little bit of advice, when you more or less stuble onto the blog of the person you have pretty much been falling head over heals for don't read it unless you go in knowing that your probably going to be sorely dissapointed. Abscent from the pages. Find the object of your recent affection pining away for the things you also want, but find no mention of yourself in the pages. Yeah, that's me. I'm trying not to feel down about it all. I mean we have a great time in real life but crap, I hoped to find atleast a small glimmer a mention of recently going out with someone who has sparked a interest. Not the sad stories of going home alone at night just wishing for anyone. Is it wrong that I want to be that someone? I mean It feels sooooooooooo fucking good to WANT to try a relationship again, and it's soooooooooooo fucking scary to be staring blog entries in the face that pretty much outline all my wants, the things I'm disgruntled about in the gay community, are the things he's disgruntled about too. I sooooooo hope this is a HUGE case of I bet you think this song is about you. Why am I so fucking enthralled with this Not-Green Eyed Man? (wink to zuzu) I just want to go ball my fucking eyes out, and that REALLY pisses me off. I mean, it pisses me off cause I so want to have more confidance in myself. He just seems to be such a genuine man, not overly sexual, traditional values, a wide variety of diverse friends. I get so fed up with gay men who only associate with other gay men. I don't know, I guess he seems like a slice of wonderful man next door, well rounded, sain, healthy pie, and I find myself scrambling to do everything in my power to win him over.

so, the cuddling didn't happen last night. It was all innocent text message flirtation.

It's tortuous waiting for the paint layers to dry. I'm working on so many pieces it's hard to keep my head on straight.

So, I just figured something out. There have been people that have waltzed into my life. People, that before I even introduced myself or spoke to them, elicited a HUGE want in me to be their friends. Corazon, Mal, Bothhandz, Redpurse, Cristie, I just realized I'm feeling that for not green eyed man. I so desperately want to be his friend. I so desperately want to try my hand at something more serious with him, but slowly, slowly. I mean, I've definetly felt more sexual around him, but honestly I just want to hold him, and be held by him. Laugh, and talk, and drink some wine. I feel this HUGE draw to be his one and only, and I'm so fucking scared he doesn't feel the same way. More so after finding the blog.

BLEH FUCKING BLEH