Is it a human thing, or a guy thing? But for me it's so very difficult to separate physical love, from emotional love. We're a week into Ramadan. Habibi decided to give up sex for the Islamic holy month. Something I admire really. But for me, the insecure gay guy (Is there any other kind, really?) this month without sex, nags at me. Opens a canker, I thought long closed. Nagging at my your not good enough, smart enough, cute enough, sexy enough, on and on and on and on . . . Really it's insulting to compare him to those long past non-lovers, who loved that they were dating me, but abhorred the thought of sex with me, the fat guy everyone likes. But they planted all those petulant seeds of doubt in my head, and so when he announced a little over a week ago about his plans for the holy month, those seeds came out of dormancy and started their painful germination within my psyche. Fuck, I have to run to work. Sometimes I think it's unhealthy to pick and pick and pick at these issues. Dwelling on things for too long as it were. Good lord, spit it out to dry out and die. Dislodge it from it's silent nagging hiding place and place it in the open where it will wither and expire.

Letter to Habibi

My precious Habibi,

Thank you for being you. I'm so proud of you working so hard these last 3 months. I know you have a lot of hard work ahead of you to prepare for the tests. I'll do my best to help you get ready for them, and not be to big of a distraction. Thank you for holding me last night, when I'm in your arms all my stress seems to melt away, and my anxieties abate. I can tolerate a month without making love with you, but I need your touch, your caresses, your cuddling, your sweet gentle kisses. I can't wait till we both have just a little more time to sit and hold each other, to quietly talk while you lay your head is in my lap, me playing with your hair while you tell me about your day. Those little moments are so wonderful.

I love you with all my heart. I just wanted to write and let you know how I'm feeling.