Day 1 6/7/93 9:00 p.m.

Rules

1) Tolerance

2) Do not judge others

3) listen to intuitions.

STOP. . .

Do not read any further! This is the private journal of ______________ . If you continue to read past this page, I wish and hope the greatest pains and discomforts you can imagine to be inflicted upon you body and soul.

I dedicate this journal to the future generations of the world, in the hope that they will be born into a more understanding and tolerant world. I only hope that the world they will belong to will understand them and allow them to be their true selves, and not force them to live a false life; a lie to themselves and to their friends and families.

I know that my friends and family don't mean to hurt me, but they cant help it. Just by the most casual remark, they damage who I am. I both dread and look forward to the day I tell them. Laura is the only person that truly understands me. I fear that when I do tell, Laura and sis will be the only people who will understand. I will tell Laura before the summer ends. Thought I doubt it will be much of a surprise to her. I feel that Laura is very intuitive and understands a lot she is one of the brightest and most understanding people I know, but I still can't help fearing that some how it will change things between us. I know this won't happen, but still I can't help fearing. She is my best friend even if she doesn't know it, and that is something I could not bare to loose.

I don't know how many times I have stayed up till all hours of the night crying, worrying and debating how I could do it. (Come out) I've decided that when I got to college I will try to stop living this lie and live as I truly am. It will be hard, but I believe I will be happier and healthier than I have ever been. I hope that where ever I go to college is more tolerant than Deming. Even with all the danger I will face, my greatest fear is that I will loose my family, I don't think my dad will ever understand or forgive me, but my mom will come around after the initial shock . . . I hope.