6/9/93 8:58 p.m.

Todays been a relatively good day. Dads been kind of grouchy, but that snot unusual I feel relatively at ease today. I don't have the urge to tell anyone my secret, but I know that if I ever want to be happy I'm going to have to. I need to wait until I'm out on my own to tell anyone, except for Laura, because my parents will not except me for just who I am. Today I got to thinking how much pain this is going to cause my friends and family when this gets out, if this gets out.

I'm worried about the college I want to go too. I just found out the other day, that Montpelier only has about 5,000 people, so it leave me wondering hot tolerant the population will be. I feel that wherever I do decide to go to has got to be very progressive. There's a good school in San Fran and you can't get much more progressive then that!

I really wish I could go somewhere this summer without any of my family. I've got to live who I really am soon or I don't know what will happen. I just got invited to a restaurant show in Dallas. That would be a great opportunity for me to let it out , because my parents aren't invited, but I'm sure they wouldn't let me go by myself.

I need a relationship so bad. I though I could smother my desires for companionship by surrounding myself with friends, and it works, but only when I'm with them it doesn't last any longer than that, and that's not good enough. I need a companion, some one I can turn to someone I can love, someone I can embrace.