So, Not-Green-Eyed-Guy of a year and a half ago fame just wrote me, out of the blue.

Hey sexy, you may find this strange, but i have been thinking about you a lot lately. Just want to see how you are doing . . . so . . . how are you doing?

Um yeah, so, his little message has sent me all into a topsy-turvy tail spin. Why? I don't know. Cause except for his callous not calling or contacting me I was completely enthralled with him? Am-- enthralled with him? (enthralled seems to be my word d'jour) Truth be told as soon as I saw his name in my inbox i went all twitterpated inside and then it swiftly changed into me being angry at myself for feeling that way towards someone who can't even maintain contact. Truth be told I'm a lot more like him then I'll let onto. I'm horrible about staying in touch with people and often maintain contact with people after weeks or months of, not. Which is why it probably bothers me so much that he doesn't act all enthralled too.

So, why, even after all I know about his patterns . . . why do I still go to mush inside every time he throws me even a scrap of attention. Why do some people have that power over you . . . me? This feeling that seems so vital and real and what finding someone should be all about, and yet it usually spells out impending certain doom. My friend Doug says, �Those that make our heart race are often the ones that prove to be toxic.� I don't know that I quite believe that but it does hold some ring of truth. So why then do relationships that I find myself in where my heart does not race leave me wondering if something is missing? My heart didn't race immediately with Bassem, but it came too, later. Other people have my heart bouncing out of my chest from nearly the first moment. Is it some sort of attraction thing? I mean I am VERY physically attracted to Not-Green-Eyed-Guy but is that it? Actually I think it's because in some way he seems like the whole package, very intelligent, successful, HAWT, into the arts, well off, lives in a trendy loft (is it shallow that that makes him even more attractive to me) and even more so since his decorative style is so in line with my own?) Is it that he writes about wine for a local paper? Other super hawt guys can be absolutely repugnant to me because of their personalities so why doesn't his I only contact you every 3 months behavior completely turn me off? So, in the end I refuse to believe it's only a matter of lust. That being said I have no clearer understanding of what it is exactly.

Uhg. I don't even know why I'm writing about this anymore.